Ranking the RHONY Cast Members Seasons 8-11

The dream team
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Never would I ever have thought I’d be watching reality TV much less about rich socialite women, yet here I am four seasons into the Real Housewives of New York (RHONY) and one or two seasons into the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (RHOBH). Since I’ve watched much more RHONY than RHOBH, I’m going to rank the RHONY from the seasons I’ve finished, seasons eight through eleven. I’ve been thinking about doing this post but also hesitant because regardless of the way these women act on television, they are still complex people, and it’s simply not nice to judge people, especially when you only know televised snippets of their lives. But let this be in good fun. Instead of ranking the women per se, I’m more ranking their behavior I’ve observed, and I’m going to go from worst to best.

1. Luann de Lesseps: *Cue vomit noise* Luann’s behavior on this show is deplorable, oh my gosh. I don’t know how else to say it. She’s terrible on this show. She is incredibly self-centered and absolutely delusional, and she attempts to make people look stupid by hijacking the conversation, speaking for others, and running out, and everyone knows she’s wrong, yet somehow she manages to get away with it for four seasons now. She needs to leave the show. I don’t know why she’s still here. Nobody likes her. I think her being on the show is a ploy for added drama because where there’s Luann there’s drama—frustrating and infuriating drama but interesting drama nonetheless.

2. Andy Cohen: Okay, he’s not a housewife, but he’s one of the executive producers of the show, and he directs the reunion episodes at the end of each season, and I dislike him—a lot. When he’s on the show, he’s a snake and a sh*t-stirrer. I know the point of the show is the drama, but these women can create it on their own without Andy saying stupid, stupid sh*t just to get them extra worked up. It’s like he condones the stupidity on the show. No, call people out on their sh*t, period.

3. Ramona Singer: Ramona…she is likable in the later seasons, but the more we go back, the more she is a bullsh*t liar. She likes to say sh*t but take forever to own up to it. She pretends to be stupid, and it infuriates me. She is literally second worst only to Luann!! That is bad!!!!

4. Sonja Morgan: Sonja Morgan…uuuuugh. She is complicated to say the least, and the thing I dislike about her the most is probably so minor, but it really bothers me. She married into the J.P. Morgan family as in Chase banks. But she divorced her Morgan husband. And in one of the more recent seasons, she designs shoes with the Morgan crest and acts like she is a Morgan and everything Morgan is hers and you’d better not look at anything Morgan-related funny or you are insulting her family. Let me remind you: She designed a shoe with her ex-husband’s family crest on it and calls it hers. That is so, so stupid to me. Maybe she didn’t want to divorce her husband, so maybe she didn’t leave the Morgan family by choice, but their legacy is not yours. Their legacy is partially your daughter’s, but that does not make it yours—in my opinion. But as we go backward in the seasons, Sonja is much more likable. She’s fun and soft-hearted—like when she talks to Bethenny about her new alcohol brand Tipsy Girl, I was heartbroken for Sonja. I do think Tipsy Girl and Skinny Girl are too stupid similar for Sonja to not stop and say, “Oh, sh*t, you’re right. I’m so sorry. I’ll get on it.” And when it is first brought up, it’s like, “Sonja, you’re so full of sh*t. You know that’s so similar to Bethenny’s Skinny Girl. Don’t be a Ramona right now. Don’t be a Ramona right now.” And then she goes to talk to Bethenny like I mentioned, and you know. You know Sonja did not realize what she did when she did it. You can see the innocence and regret and genuine remorse in her face and the conversation gets progressively more intense and mean with Bethenny.

5. Bethenny Frankel: Bethenny—Bethenny, Bethenny, Bethenny. I have complicated feelings about this one, but she is smack dab in the middle of the list for me. There’s something about Bethenny as I watch the seasons backward that I really like about her. I really want to like her. And she has likable moments, and then she has downright horrible, horrible, a*shole, why are you on the show moments. She has a no bullsh*t attitude, which you need to survive this group of women because they are full of bullsh*t. As the seasons move forward, though, her no bullsh*t attitude goes overboard, and she’s just a tyrant. But again, as you go back, there are many things that make you think, “Well, she’s not wrong, but her delivery could be much better.”

6. Dorinda Medley: Dorinda is almost the perfect housewife. Her downfall? Alcohol. Oh. My. Gosh. Dorinda is no bullsh*t but in a laidback way. She’s not mean at all, but when she starts drinking, she turns into a disaster! She slurs and gets plain mean. She is not herself at all whatsoever. And what makes it worse is even when she’s sober, she denies she has an alcohol problem!!! Like, bruh! I know you watch yourself on TV. Part of each episode is y’all speaking after the fact about previous clips shown of you. How do you not see a problem??? Maybe it’s her truth coming out. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t see a problem with it. I don’t know. The lowest point that sticks out the most to me is when Dorinda breaks a glass while drinking and throws Luann’s arrest in her face when Luann tries to warn her that she can see as someone who’s gotten arrested and gone to rehab for alcohol that Dorinda is reaching dangerous levels. Dorinda (And I think some of the other housewives?) keep saying, “Who is Luann to judge?” And look, I am Luann de Lesseps’s smallest, tiniest fan, but I did agree with her there. She was not judging. She knows what this looks like, and she really cares for Dorinda as a friend and wants good for her. She did it out of love. That much I believe.

7. Carole Radziwill: Carole is another one I have complicated feelings about, and it’s so funny that the other person I had such complicated feelings about was Bethenny because as the seasons progress, Carole gets further and further up Bethenny’s a*s. It really seems like Carole abandons herself and her feelings to become Bethenny, and look, like I said, there is something about Bethenny that I really like, but Carole, don’t become Bethenny. Be like Bethenny but better. Be a hybrid of you and Bethenny because I do find you have this really chill, cool-girl vibe. You don’t fret like these women, and you are not wrapped in who’s wearing what most expensive thing and how impressive do I look to everybody with the most expensive things I own and can show off. They at least give off that vibe if they don’t mean it, and you, Carole, are nowhere near that. You are one of the housewives I relate to the most. If I were a housewife, I’d be *like* Carole. I really like her.

8. Tinsley Mortimer: Tinsley!!! Tinsley is pure fun and joy. She doesn’t get herself into much drama at all, and she isn’t stupid. Yeah, she has a mugshot like Luann, but that’s the worst she’s done, and it was once, and it’s not like the thing she went to jail for (Trespassing on her ex’s property, maybe?) is a common theme in her life that she does over and over and over. I miss Tinsley as I watch backward in the series. One thing I feel really bad for her about is when the other housewives were grilling her about her now-husband Scott. I don’t even remember what for, but it was so stupid. Just because Tinsley doesn’t relationship like y’all do doesn’t make it wrong. She’s different from y’all just like y’all are different from one another. As her friend, voice concern, but do it lovingly, and trust her when she says she hears you but she disagrees. Please. And bonus for Jordan: I like Tinsley the way I love her (you if you’re Jordan reading this (-: ). We are very different, but I get so, so, so excited to see her and miss her when she’s gone—my best friend. Ajkljfkldjgld, Jordan, we’re Tinsley and Carole.🙈😬

9. Jules Wainstein: Jules!!!!! A one-season wonder but my faaaaavorite housewife by far so far, even among the seasons I’ve seen of RHOBH. She is down to Earth and kind and funny. I love and respect that she was so open about her struggle with her eating disorder. As a fellow open book myself, I think it’s so important to be open about these things so that the stigmas are erased and people feel safe admitting they have a problem in order to get help. I felt so bad for her ending up getting a divorce after the season she was on, and I could tell around the last episode before the reunion before they share the snippets of where they are now. She deserves so much better than the way Michael treated her and the kids, and I wish the solution could have been him getting his act together instead of them divorcing because I don’t want that hurt for Jules!!! She did talk about being Asian and Jewish oddly much. Bethenny was right about that, but if that’s the worst she did, gosh, she’s fine because it was never in a way like she thought that she was better than anyone because she was Asian and Jewish. She was getting to know these women and become their friend and sharing about herself. Bethenny was a freaking a*s to her, though. Commenting on the reunion that she heard she went on the show “to” get a divorce. You ask that; you don’t say it. You have no idea. Who cares who you heard it from. Believe her when she tells you what happened. She would know better than you or any of your sources because it’s her life. And the number of times Bethenny insinuated that Jules was stupid, especially to her face? What the f*ck? A*shole, a*shole move. That’s what people don’t like about you Bethenny and justifiably grill you for. And then when Jules was dealing with her dad being sick and possibly dying in the hospital and Luann goes up to her after Bethenny grills her (justifiably in my opinion) and keeps talking about herself and woe is me while Jules’s dad might be dying? What the f*ck?

So there’s my take on the Real Housewives of New York seasons eight through eleven. I hope you found it fun because that’s what this was meant to be—fun—and maybe a little bit of these are things you should not do.