Showing posts from 2021

Reminder to Self and Reminder to You

Be brave. Do it scared. Refer to the sections “Scary, Scary, Scary” (page 12), “Defending Your Weakness” (page 16), “Fear Is Boring” (page 19), “The Fear You Need and the Fear You Don’t Need” (page 22), and “The Road Trip” (page 24) in Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

"10 Things Yungblud Can't Live Without"

1. Me😉 But for real, I love this clip too much.😭❤  As the kids say now, this video lives rent-free in my head. (Look how cute he is, my god.😭❤😍) Clip link: Full-length original:

Listening to "Fire" by Sleeping with Sirens at 11 o'clock at night while driving home from Taco Bell is my comfort item.


"Politics is destroying families/communities/friendships/AMERICA/etc."

No, terrible human beings with "opinions" that harm others are destroying families, communities, friendships, America, the world, etc., and today's political climate allows people's true colors to show more and more.

I don't know who needs to hear this, but...

A terrible human being believing in something doesn't necessarily make that idea bad. It just means a terrible human being happens to believe in that thing, i.e. a millionaire with a private jet believing in climate change doesn't make climate change and wanting to do something to fix it a bad idea.

You’ve ever been in a happy depression?

  Image by Tumisu from Pixabay Let me explain. I’ve been feeling weird lately. I don’t know how else to describe it. If you ask me how I’m doing, I’m doing okay. Sometimes, I’m even doing well, but I have this background tiredness, and it affects some things. Not all things but some. The biggest thing I notice it affect is my will to feed myself. I know I need to eat, and I want to eat healthily, but I barely want to eat much less something I might not like, such as healthy food. In Louisiana (and from what I’m learning from viral memes, all over), food is a big part of our culture. Food isn’t just for sustenance. It’s for enjoyment. There’s an emotional aspect to eating, and for me, not having that positive emotional aspect to it, not being excited to eat whatever it is makes it really hard to eat it. And I don’t even feel hungry sometimes. I get tired or bored of eating after a few bites, and at that point, I really don’t feel hungry anymore. I probably need to have healthy snacks t

What's Bothering Me Right Now

Everything. Or maybe not a lot but just so intensely it feels like a lot. Two main things bothering me right now about this week: Skills check-off for nursing school and my surgical consult this week (Yeah, I need surgery.). Check-offs bother everyone in nursing school, and I really dislike check-offs because it’s hands-on, not theory. I like theory—obviously, I’ve got four degrees and plan to go back to school for at least five more degrees (Master’s this time! But maybe also some more Bachelor’s later.). I dislike that I’m going to mess up. That fear paralyzes me, and I cope with overwhelm by avoidance already as it is. I feel as if I don’t know where to start, so I don’t start until I absolutely have no choice but to do so—for example, if I’m standing at a station to practice at school in a room of teachers and other students practicing. I can only stand there doing nothing for so long. I am hyperaware of how awkward I appear at every moment in public. Another strategy I use to avoi

Welcome to My Anxious Mind

Today, I don’t feel well. I feel antsy. I feel scared. I feel stressed. I feel overwhelmed, and all of this makes me feel a quiet rage. I feel like something inside of me is simmering with anger. I have so much to do and so much I even want to do, but it all feels like too much, so I don’t want to do anything. I just want to rot in bed. I want to just lie there and do whatever and nothing all at the same time. School starts again soon, and I’m supposed to graduate this semester, but I keep convincing myself that something will happen to stop me—that stupid pharmacology test, check offs, just not being fit to be a nurse and not being able to handle twelve hour shifts and precepting. Then, I convince myself that if I don’t fail, I’ll just die in surgery anyway. Yeah, I need surgery. Why do I have to find things to be anxious about? Why can’t I just relax and have faith? I’m on medicine for my anxiety. Isn’t it supposed to go away? I know that’s not how it works. It just takes the edge of

2020--Let’s Reflect on This Past Year

Image by Gerhard G.  from Pixabay I can’t believe today is 2021. The year itself sounds so futuristic like it is out of my lifetime, but it’s only twenty-seven years after the year I was born.(-: The year I’m supposed to graduate with my fourth college degree, the one I will finally get a career with—at least for a little while. Time for me to be a real adult and get a job and support myself and continue figuring out the rest of this life. Get closer and closer to living out my dreams—marrying Aaron, having kids with him, five or six more degrees (all Master’s and a Doctorate or two), traveling, changing this world to make it a better place for ALL.   But the point of this post is to reflect on 2020 from my point of view. I feel privileged and honestly ashamed to admit that this year has not been very hard for me—a mix of being introverted and also probably not following stay at home orders as much as I should have. Switching to virtual classes was heaven-sent for me. I love drivin